Have you ever felt like the Lord wanted more from you, but you didn’t have more to give? Like…where is the “more” going to come from? For me, I often feel overwhelmed as it is, and yet, He wants more!
I have been pastoring for three years, and within that time, I have attempted to do all that I felt God wanted me to do, along with be a mom, a wife and a friend to people who depend on me greatly, and I just don’t have any more to give at this moment. No matter how much I say this, it doesn’t seem like God is listening to me. No matter how hard I try to resist and ignore this pull, the tugs continue to get stronger and stronger. Don’t get me wrong…I know He is stronger than I am, but I still find myself holding onto the rope of “His will versus my will” and not fully surrendering. Maybe a part of me doesn’t know how to fully surrender at this new place. I mean…what does that look like really?
I vision myself holding onto this rope. I see me on one end and God on the other. He’s pulling one way and I’m pulling the opposite way. It looks like we’re in a game of tug-of-war, trying to prove who’s stronger. Again, I know He’s stronger than I am. My strength is no match against His, yet, at certain times, I find myself wrestling with God, as Jacob did in the book of Genesis, chapter 32. In these moments, I find myself not wanting to give in to God fully. Like really… I don’t have any more to give! I’m almost on E! I’m tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes, if I can be honest, I’m a little weary! Nevertheless, no matter how much I resist the tugs and pulls, He doesn’t stop calling. He doesn’t let me rest. He will not give up!
What I’ve found to be true is—the Holy Spirit is very persistent in His work! He does not give up easily, because His desire is to accomplish the purpose of the Father through us. That is why He keeps calling us! That is why He won’t let us rest! That is why He makes us uncomfortable! That is why He keeps tugging at our hearts! (Hands lifted in a praise of thanks!)
He’s saying to me (and maybe to you)… “I know you’re tired, but I want to fill you with MORE! I have MORE to say, MORE to show you, MORE to give you, MORE to do in you and through you, MORE to do for you! Come to me those of you who are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest, but in the rest, I will restore, revive and refill you with MORE! It is after I fill you with MORE, that you will have MORE to give! Let me fill you up!”
Sometimes we don’t give in right away. Sometimes it takes us months, and even years. Sometimes we are like Jonah, and run first, but the Spirit of God is still at work; yet calling, yet pulling and tugging at our hearts, until we eventually give in.
As I give in, to the tugs (the drawing of The Holy Spirit), I allow myself to slowly be pulled in His direction! I’m not sure what’s next, but I know, in order for me to accomplish all that He is requiring of me, I NEED MORE! More of Him and less of me! More of His guidance! More of His anointing! More of His power! More understanding! More clarity! I NEED MORE! Anybody else?
As I prepare to release this blog, I have made plans (with permission/agreement from my husband) to take a mini spiritual sabbatical retreat. I’m removing myself for a couple of days, to unplug from everyone and everything (almost), just to focus on and spend time with God, for restoration, revival and direction for the church and ME! I’m going to allow Him to fill me up with MORE! I want to encourage you ladies, to start taking some dedicated time, just to seek God! It doesn’t have to be a week or a month, but whatever time you can find, to go away, unplug and withdraw (separate and remove yourself) from others, so that you can withdraw (pull from or take away, in order to add something of value) from God!
Heavenly Father, I thank you for allowing me to share with my sisters today. I pray the words that they have read, have been a real blessing to them in this season. I pray for every woman who may find themselves in a tug-of-war challenge with you, because of the overwhelming weight of the call and assignments on their life. May we recognize when you are calling us to MORE, to give us MORE, and may we always be responsive and receptive and surrender! Thank you for being patient with us when we don’t respond correctly, yet continuing to be persistent in your work within us. Thank you for not giving up on us. I pray for every woman who is running on empty, and may be weary. I pray she surrender to the pulls and tugs that she fill, so that you may fill her up with MORE! Give us more God! We want more! More of you and all that you have for us! We receive it now, in Jesus Name! Amen